Back in the summer of 94'

So tonight I read part of the book of Ephesians. I have read this book of the Bible before and at the time learned what I needed to, what will be in store for me this time?. That is the beauty of God's Word - everytime you read it, you learn something new.

According to the notes I made in the margins, the first time I read this book of the Bible I was a senior in high school. I don't always indicate the date when I read a passage, in fact I rarely do. However, I was noticing this date that I wrote down (August of 1994) because it was such a pivitol time in my life. It was nearly 11 years ago and my life was so AMAZINGLY different.

If our lives are divided into seasons, this one was a season of decision making. In the fall of 94' I would break up (for the 6th and final time) with my high school "sweetheart." Please trust me when I say that I use the term "sweetheart" losely, he was mostly a manipulative jerk who desperately wanted to have sex with me. I wouldn't give it up so he eventually found a girl 3 years my junior and took out his teen angst on her. At the time I thought I was missing something, I thought I was making a major sacrifice for God (the not having sex part). It turns out it would be the best (and first) decision of my adult life. In fact, looking back I can't even believe ever considered NOT having sex with him a sacrifice. This brings me to a random thought - that song, Daughters by John Mayer, couldn't be more true. I spent much of my young life without a father. I subsequently spent much of my adolescent years looking for the approval of men through quasi adult relationships that ended in disappointment.

Okay all that said, here a few really fun things I remember about that first boyfriend. He taught me how to drive stick shift in his parents powder blue Volvo. We would go for long drives with the sun roof open in the country and listen to Pearl Jam, Counting Crows, James Taylor, 10,000 Maniacs and Led Zepplin. I can still smell the fresh air and feel my face warming in the sun. I thought we could drive forever. When he asked me to our junior prom, he did it in the middle of what we called the "rally court" at school and everyone was watching as his friends stood on the roof of the math building holding a sign that said "Will you go to the Prom with me???" Ah, sweet memories of simpler times.

The other decision I would make in the Fall of 94' would be probably the most pivitol in my life thus far. God, why do you let 17 year olds make such huge decisions??? Anyway, I was set on becoming a doctor. Nevermind my serious lack of skills in the science and math fields. I figured my grades were good and I was a well rounded student so, why not? So, I applied to UC Davis, St. Mary's college and CSU Sonoma (I have no idea where I came up with that one). Well it turns out the CA state school system had a buy one get one free sale that year and if you applied to one state school, you could automatically apply to another for free. So, out of sheer guesswork I decided to add Cal Poly to the mix. I had never seen the school but I knew a lot of people who liked it and where applying so I went for it. My heart was set on UC Davis. My best friend of 10 years (at the time) was applying to Davis and since we were 8 years old we had pledged to a). be best friends forever and b.) be roomates in college.

Well, as it turned out I had a class my senior year of high school called AP Government. I took the class because all of my friends were in it and it is a good thing I did because, well,I fell in love. I fell in love with debating, with history and politics and how the two intertwined. I fell in love with public speaking (I know I am a freak) and I knew that it would be the field in which my personality type would excel. I could muscle my way through a degree and career in the sciences, but politics...it just came naturally. So here I am in the winter of my senior year, waiting for letters from schools. Schools that had recieved my application for admission for a degree in Biological Science. I knew that I no longer wanted to be in that field and I was really stressed. I wished I could be like Evie on Out of this World and put my index fingers together, freeze time and re-apply.

Needless to say, the rejection letters poured in. Biological Science was an impacted major at every school and a GPA of 4.0 just wasn't good enough. I needed to also be a concert pianist or have mastered the art of Tae Kwon Do against all cultural odds. I didn't get in to Davis and that was the crusher. Sonoma State said they would be proud to have me but I didn't care. I wanted to go to Davis with Stacey. I even apealed the decision to the college dean. No beans. Cal Poly said "no" to me as well but they also said they would be calling me about "other opportunities." I didn't know what that meant at the time. I would soon come to know this opportunity as God stepping in and divining my path.

That year for the first time Cal Poly had received three times as many qualified applicants as they could find room for. So they started calling the students they had to reject and ask them if they would like to interview for a spot in a non-impacted major. "Ring, Ring, hello J? This is Professor Hallack of the Soil Science Department at Cal Poly." Well what do you know, I just so have an interest in dirt. My new found debating skills earned me a spot in this department and a grade-A college to attend in the Fall of 95'. I would later switch majors and never look back.

The final major decision that happened that year was more on accident that anything else. I fell in love, real love for the first time. In my senior english class there was a boy named Michael and he was a nerd. A lovely one. We became study partners and then friends and then we kissed for the first time. It was his first kiss and my first encounter with tenderness. At the time I didn't know it but he would be the one to drive me away from my house and to my first day at college. His family would be the first that I would feel like was also my own. He would also be my only friend in a really big and scary new world. There is so much more to the story of Michael, but for my senior year the story was nothing but good.

So it was the year of decisions and the year of Ephesians. Interestingly enough Ephesians is mostly about God's love for us. It is about living out that love on an earth that makes it darn near impossible to do on most days. Looking back on this time of my life, I can see God's love surrounding me and guiding me...even through the disappointment. God, will I look back 11 years from now on this time and see the same? I don't have a college to apply to or a high school boyfriend to deal with. The stakes are much higher now, now I am raising a boy and building a life with my family. Please don't leave me now, I can't imagine needing you more.